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“You’re only as good as the next swipe” Online dating in your 40s!

One heck of a learning curve, I was like Bridget Jones on stilts starting dating at the age of 41. A book to be written one day. Sprinting into dating apps with the naive attention seeking midlife lady with the view that everyone wanted to meet "the one" ... I was after the fairytale whilst Tinder earnt $1.8billon in revenue LOL...

In 2019 I discovered a whole new world of online app dating which can be a very toxic world of dopamine of butterfly highs and lows! It's full of mind games, guessing games, ghosting and the dopamine kicks of starting the conversations which more than often sizzles out before you've ever met or you meet once with a few scenarios: You like the guy - he doesn't like you. He likes you - you don't like him... Most of us come unhealed and different triggers and emotions. In hindsight - coaching before you date around dating is a VERY good idea.

EVERY date is like a job interview... it's hard work! You get ready, anticipation, build up etc... I was petrified at my first date. Fear and excitement triggers the same brain reaction - it's so true (you can see the fear & excitement on the day of my first date below!)

Every unhealed part will come out when dating and then you add another person haha

It would be a scary statistics how many hours and hours we spend chatting to strangers (90min a day apparently and that is only on the app) Looking back it was one of the biggest self discovery journey you have everything from attention, to thrills with the other side of rejection and abandonment. Having people compliment you feels good as for me I hadn't had that for a long long time.

BIGGEST lesson which I can see so clearly now is that I was looking for someone to come and rescue me, make me feel good... instead I was on a path of self love and discovery! The inner work I couldn't escape. Every hurt, tear and disappointment has today made me into a woman who feels beautiful, sexy and confident on my own. Now I can clearly see that ghosting, creating distance and other not respectful behavior was not because who I am.

OH YEAH the fairytale … I did swipe right and met my man on 08.04.22. When you meet someone you can work through all the past traumas, you are each others biggest fans and each layer on the onion makes you feel more connected and loved then your on a winner. Don't get me wrong sometimes peeling the onion makes you cry, it stings and takes work. For me, meeting someone that can see you at your worst and connect with you is beautiful.

If I can help anyone going through online dating SHOUT! I am going to write more about it as if anything I share help even one soul then that makes it worthwhile...

Lots of love

Carin xx

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