A long list of words close to my heart starts with Cs ... like Carin;-) I was born Karin with a K but in my teens I wanted to 'fit in' with my boyfriends family at that time, so I legally changed my name LOL
Cortisol & Control 15 years ago, at the age of 32 I had just had 2 babies in 15 months and worked full time in London. We lived in a two bedroom apartment and, looking back, I really struggled becoming a mum - I had my sister on hotline as I didn't really have a clue... On the surface it looked like I smashed it but beneath was a lot of internal stress. My need to control routines and schedules and master life in general raised my cortisol. I can see now I harden and put so much pressure on myself (and the one closest to me). I didn't know how to let love and calmness rule. I wanted the boys to have it perfect as my upbringing was turbulent, unstable (we moved a lot) and not safe emotionally. So when boys were born my response was Captain control - it was stressful for them, boys dad and my body and mind.
Colitis (IDB) entered my life in 2010 and I lost control of my body and in my healing journey and learning to listen to my body to heal I discovered I am celiac (no gluten) and in hindsight they are two closely linked autoimmune illnesses. This is where my journey and catalyst to change came in! My colitis sits in my large intestine and if you look at emotional holding onto them in your body it's fear and that for me is so true.
For two years, I listened to the dr's and specialists so took a lot of steroids and drugs in all holes of my body... not a pretty sign and for the first time, I was signed off work as I was not in a good space, some of the symptoms for me was ( I have never shared these and skip if your squeamish):
Sweats and feeling I would puke as food travelled through my intestines
Bone tires and aching
Feeling the need to poo but nothing but farts
When going to toilet mucus and blood
The blood is scary as one drop can look so serious (my specialist told me that)
Not knowing when I needed a toilet so stopped going out
Asking to sit next to toilet in office just in case
Dreading meetings and again toilet related
I stopped eating cause I hated having to go to toilet. This picture is me at my absolute lowest - I was 47 kg and scared. The illness is invincible so people around me complimented how much weight I lost and it's the worst I felt on the inside ever.
Change As a saving grace one of my big healers suggested to eat a raw food diet (against all dr's) and at the same time I watched the documentary "Fat Sick and Nearly dead" which changed my life. I juiced and started fasting and slowly, I healed by excluding gluten and start to notice how ALL foods made me feel. We forget to trust what our bodies tells us... Today, I have no problem to say I am fasting or not eating gluten as the world have change! I did it on gut feel and now science backs it up which is AMAZING!
LISTEN TO YOUR INNER COMPASS... That is my conclusion, I have been in remission for nearly 5 years apart from a few bleeps along the way!
Lots of love Carin xx